One Liners.....

[tom]

A lad in our office has just come out with an absolute classic, we had a winging customer who wanted something sending out by tommorow, but the fastest we can get it to her is a week. In complete innocence, without realising what he was saying he said....

"Look, if you are really, really desperate......there is nothing we can do to help you"

[owler]

Our Managing Director to a subby bricky who was a bit on the slow side ,
"Aye up george I thought I saw your name on a bacon packet but i realise now I had read it wrong ,it said thick cut.
OWLER (COME ON ROVERS)

[tom]

A- He's a dark horse isnt he?

B- Whose that then?

A- Black Beauty

-------------------

A- He's got the sack hasn't he?

B- Whose that then?

A- Father Christmas

--------------------------

A- I wish I had listened too my dad.

B- Why, what did he say?

A- I don't know, I didn't listen did I !!


Love it!!!

:-)

[Stewart]

Tom, have you been speaking to Andy Dare?

[tom]

No, I heard him say the 'Wish I'd listened to my dad' one on the maver festival last year though!

[Stewart]

I hear them week in and week out from him, all of them!!

[tom]

He's always hanging around.
Who's that then?
Spiderman.

It's a mug's game.
What is?
Pottery.

It's not it's all cracked up to be.
What isn't?
Crazy paving.

I bought some evaporated milk the other day, but when I opened the tin there was still some left.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

I went to a pub the other day and asked for a bag of helicopter crisps. The barman said, 'we've only got plain.'

Two Aerials met on a roof, fell in love, & got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

[lostalot]

has the sun got to you tom